Monday, April 15, 2013

Weight Loss Quest

So most of you know already that I lost big on detox.  22 lbs.  My stomach has surely shrunk and it's easier for me to eat smaller meals without getting hungry!

I did discover something else about myself this past week.  I'm a self sabotager.  That's right.  When I get close to my goals I get scared and back track (gain weight).  Now this is going to get personal but I've heard its good to get it out.....
I'm not used to attention.  Meaning, people looking at me.  It's still uncomfortable.  I like wearing new clothes that "fit" better but hear in my mind other peoples comments about me.  The biggest one, "Yeah, you lost some weight now but just wait you'll gain it all back"  Now in all honesty NO ONE has said anything like that to me except for one person.  ME.  Meaning, I'm assuming that's what everybody is thinking because that's what I think. 
 Maybe I'm feeling judged.  Kinda like "Who does she think she is now"  In all honesty I have lost a few friendships.  In my heart I know that if you don't hang with me anymore because I've changed myself and become healthier it's your loss and I'm better off without you.  It still stings.
I knew the head games side of losing weight was coming.  For me the food side has been fairly easy it's the mind (emotional side) that I need to work on.  I'm so close to my goal weight.  I need to know that I deserve it. It's okay to look good and feel good about yourself.  (My weight loss counselor told me that and I started to cry)   See I told you, I'm not as strong as you think I am.  It's hard trying to overcome years and years of being overweight and all the feelings that come with that.  It's painful.  Usually when I'm emotionally in pain I eat.  Today I just cry at the computer and tell myself  "Lisa, you're a good person who can do hard things.  You have overcome so much, you can do this too." 


Momza said...

Lisa, YOU are where I want to be. Don't you quit or give in to the negativity! I've been so inspired by your success, I cannot begin to tell you how much your journey has inspired me!
I am so stinkin' excited for you to reach your goal! You give me HOPE!

Danielle said...

Ditto what Momza said! I'm surprised and saddened that you have lost friends because of your weight loss.